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Posts Tagged ‘Elvis’

I just finished reading a fun and light book by Sophie Kinsella, Can You Keep a Secret? The heroine, Emma Corrigan, is reminiscent of one of my favorite characters of all times, Bridgett Jones, and spills all of her “secrets” to a complete stranger during a bumpy airplane ride. These “secrets” aren’t really serious, mainly things like- what kind of underwear she prefers to wear and that she really doesn’t love her boyfriend, etc. Like I said, it’s a fun and light read!

So it got me thinking- what might my secrets be? And while I wasn’t able to come up with any “secrets” per se, I do have a number of “wishes” that are always on my mind that I’d like to share.

1. I wish I could tell Oprah how sorry I am for everything I’ve said about her.

2. I wish I could really sing. Not so that I could go on tour- I love my life now and don’t need the headache of an international sell-out. But, I’d love to be able to really perform 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton at the office Christmas Party. I would act like it wasn’t going to be any big deal, I’d be a little shy, and then it would be AWESOME. People would talk about it for years to come.

3. I wish I always had a pair of scissors with me when I saw those “balls” hanging from a truck’s (or Mazda’s- you know who you are in Little Rock) trailer hitch. I’d just do a little snip-snip.

4. I wish I could be featured on the Today Show– but not because of a tragedy, or some sorry story. I’d like to be called as an expert of something I love like the movies. Maybe I could have my own segment, joke with Al Roker, and be awkward with Anne Curry.

5. I wish I had my own stylist. He or she, preferably someone like Cinna from the Hunger Games, wouldn’t have to work for me full-time, they could just pick out my wardrobe and dress me for special events like Supper Club and Bible Study.

6. I wish all of my friends lived next door to me. We could share a backyard like sister-wives, but not husbands. I’d have the adult hang-out in my backyard, one friend would have a pool, another a trampoline, and so on. And we’d never get tired of each other or get in a fight.

7. I wish I could time travel. This is so cliché but it truly is one of my wishes. I would just observe and try not to drink the water. My top three, time destinations: Cleopatra’s era, JFK assassination, and an early Elvis concert.

8. I wish that I could pay off Sarah McLachlan (and the Humane Society) to stop playing those Angel commercials. Every time I see one I wish that I was rich and could make it worth their while to pull all those spots, immediately.

9. I wish everyone had a dog like Greta and a lifetime supply of Diet Dr. Pepper.

10. I wish I had ten wishes to make it an even number, but nine really sums it up.

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Move over Beyoncé, here comes Sasha Fierce.

For those of you that don’t know, I feel in love with Beyoncé Knowles on my Honeymoon, November 2006. (She is second only to my one true love, Elvis, not counting Matt.) Between sitting at the beach, eating ice cream and lounging by the pool, I found some time to watch a video-countdown where I was introduced to the Number #1 Hit Song: “Irreplaceable.” I immediately became a huge Beyoncé fan, bought her album, put “Bootylicious” on my ipod and even rented “Dream Girls.”

Following our introduction, I became an admirer of her coolness. She had style, she kept her private life private, and she dated Jay-Z, who with, coincidentally, I share a birthday. I followed her every move through People and was so excited when those two crazy kids got married! It was a beautiful ceremony where she asked all of the guests to wear white– ultra style points to B.

Then, this past Saturday night, I cozied into bed a a little later than planned, realizing that I was missing Saturday Night Live where Beyoncé would be the guest musician. I only caught her last song performance, but I felt like maybe I was missing something. Maybe in the introduction, she explained why she was wearing a Rockette-swimsuit outfit. Maybe she explained why one of her back-up dancers was painfully white and had no rhythm. Maybe she explained why the “new” song, “Single Ladies. (Put a Ring on It)” sounded just like five of her other songs from the B-Day album with different words. I turned off the set and went to bed, confused and a little worried about her lack of taste and judgement.

(The outfits look just like this, without the hat. To get a better idea, you’ll have to watch the hilarious spoof SNL did of her “Single Ladies” video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TegjiG2mrzI)
But, like all of us who are in love, I let it slip my mind and went on to church the next day without giving it another thought.
Then, Monday morning, I got the text message from my friend, Carrie: “Beyoncé has a new alter ego named Sasha Fierce. Watch out. Just thought since she was your hero, you should know.”
Devastated. Apparently, when I wasn’t paying attention, Beyoncé decided to release the album, “I Am… Sasha Fierce,” which debuts tomorrow. She explained to NBC that Sasha is her alter ego that is more fun, more sensual, more aggressive. How could she go Garth Brooks on me? After I was so loyal? I even paid money to see Dream Girls! Tiger Lily to Beyoncé, or Sasha, or whatever. Right, Irreplaceable.

If she can’t bounce back from this, I might have to find a new super-star to obsess about. Rihanna is dating Chris Brown and she has a poodle. She would be a good rebound.

Ok, so let’s be real. I’m buying Sasha’s album tomorrow. I dedicate this TL to Carrie. Thanks for the heads-up.

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