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Yesterday I met my husband at Starbucks for an early-morning coffee date. We succumbed to a piece of “low-fat” cinnamon coffee cake and talked about the day ahead. Amidst the heating of the milk that makes that unmistakable Starbucks sound, and the smell of burnt coffee, we began to hear a very loud and very country-accented patron talking about his “drug” (Drug X) and the number of prescriptions “Dr. Black” would be writing of this said drug. It reminded me of my pharmaceutical days and made me smile, and then cringe, and then smile again.

Country Sales Rep (CSR): “Hello Dr. Black. I’m so glad you could meet me this morning for coffee. I like to bring my docs here and treat them to something really special. How is your latte?” *Cheesy and self-satisfied smile*

Dr. Black: “It’s great, CSR. You should bring me a vente next time you visit. (CSR takes a quick note.) Although I’ve met with many drug representatives from your company, you might just be one of my favorites. You really bring me information that is relevant to my patients.” *Rolls his eyes while CSR takes a sip of his latte and reminds himself that CSR will be giving him a generous check after Wednesday night’s dinner program– at which he will serve as a speaker, again.*

CSR: “So, I’ve noticed that you have quite a few elderly patients in your practice.” *Self-satisfied smile again, he thinks himself very perceptive and congratulates himself on delivering a clever hook that has now engaged Dr. Black.*

Dr. Black: “Why yes, CSR, I do have many elderly patients and I’ve really started writing Drug X for quite a few of them.” *Checks his watch, decides that he needs to give CSR about 10 more minutes.*

CSR: “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk with you about this morning. After looking at the prescribing data that my company gives me, it seems that you might only be writing Drug X for 98% of your patients. Now, I know that not all of your patients are elderly, but surely all of them would benefit from Drug X? In fact, the other day, I was talking to one of my Nurse Practitioners who is a huge writer of Drug X; she was telling me that she has seen Drug X make such a difference in her middle-aged patients’ lives, that they are now able to walk all the way to the mailbox and back, play that extra nine holes of golf, and even do their yard work again. And now that Drug X is fully covered on Blue Cross and Blue Shield, there’s not really any reason you shouldn’t write it for every patient in your practice.” *Short pause, then CSR remembers that he should “check-in” or take Dr. Black’s pulse.* So, he adds, “Does this make sense Dr. Black?”

Dr. Black: *Has been glad to have CSR engaged in his sales-pitch and has been eyeing the sexy/gothic coffee barista as she pours out a cafe mocha. Realizes CSR has stopped talking and luckily caught the last part of what he just said.* “Well, I do think that makes a lot of sense, CSR. I’ll have to try that today.”

CSR: *Baffled. Dumbfounded. Does not know what to do. Has been practicing possible objections in his car all morning and this “agreeable” response was not something he was prepared for. Takes the lid off his coffee and peers inside the cup to buy some time.* “Well, that is wonderful Dr. Black. I have been trying to win this big trip with my company and I really needed that 2% of your patients.” *Self-satisfied smile again. Nice recovery and applauds his honesty. Honesty is always the best policy.*

Dr. Black: “Well CSR, I’d better be going. Thank you so much for the latte. I had to go with my regular order this morning, but when you bring me my vente tomorrow, bring me the one you ordered. What did you call it again?”

CSR: “Tiger Lily Spiced Latte, extra sugar but hold the whip. They are really great. I owe all my success to the Tiger Lily Latte.” *Shakes Dr. Black’s hand and goes back to his car to log a few “no-signature” calls. He also leaves the following voice message for his teammates:

“Hey Little Rock Road Runners– this is CSR and I have a success story to leave with all of you– My relationship has just reached its peak with Dr. Black. I’ve been really working on him this month and as we sat down to our morning coffee, he agreed to write Drug X for 100% of his patients. I will be available tonight if anyone wants to talk one-on-one about this victory and how to do this in your own territory. Make it a great day and good-selling!”

Meanwhile Dr. Black returns his nurse’s call that he missed during the coffee-sales pitch: “Marie, yes, I can make it to lunch with Drug Rep B. And please tell Drug Rep C that I will see him this afternoon at 2:00. Tell him I said, “Go Hogs.” Also, please make sure that the check from Drug Rep D is deposited into my special account and call Drug Rep E for samples. I’ll be back to the clinic in a few minutes.”

Leanne: *Wry smile* Please excuse my exaggerated re-count of that pharmaceutical masterpiece. This is not a true characterization of what the job is really like for a good sales rep– but you have to admit that there are a lot of CSR’s out there and it’s just so hard not to poke fun at it them sometimes. But a quick note to CSR– I wouldn’t have been able to make fun of you today if you hadn’t been talking so loud!

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One of my favorite past-times is blogging- both reading and writing. I love it when I get a really good idea for a post and get exited when I open my Google Reader and have a menu of entries awaiting me. However, with the onset of the heat, a back-breaking schedule of school, work, travel and more work, I haven’t really found any Lily-inspiration lately.

I’m Lily-less.

I’m not motivated to blog about Michael Jackson. It’s only proper to make fun of someone when they’re alive.

I don’t want to point to the Iranian conflict and say “I told you so” to all of the readers out there that commented on my “Tweet Resistance” saying that Twitter is a fad, so I won’t.

I considered blogging about the U.S. Open and Bethpage Black. But with Rocco, Tiger and Ernie all out of it there was no use. I need more excitement like a play-off, not a rain delay.

I need inspiration. I need time off. I need the air conditioner pumped up to the next level.

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My apologies to my friend Sarah who nominated Ms. Lindsay Lohan for a Tiger Lily weeks ago when the trail was still hot. Or at least the mink coat she was wearing was hot. It seems that Lindsay has expensive tastes on a rehab-drained budget. But stealing? Really? Enough said. Tiger Lily.

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I would like to bestow John Mayer with my inaugural T. Lily.
His songs speak to my soul and it’s not just the lyrics. His smooth guitar tones have evolved from pop to jazz from one album to the next and his writing from love to politics and back again. It’s his raw talent that I admired during a concert about a year ago that endeared him to me, much in the same way that I’ve come to admire the King.

John understands women– and without sounding like I’m in the middle of hero-worship, herein is where the lovely contradiction lies. I like to think myself somewhat of a scholar. I think. I read. I watch CNN and Fox objectively. I listen to the lyrics of a song, I’m interested in what the politicians have to say about health care, I read more than just People. (Although that’s a good one and a must-read.) And John gets me. So how does he become romantically involved with the following?:

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jessica Simpson
Minka Kelly
Cameron Diaz
Pussy Cat Doll, Nicole Scherzinger
Jennifer Anniston

Now, before all you Rachel fans act like I just called Emma ugly, please understand that some of these women (Jessica Simpson and the Pussy Cat Doll) deserve a few more exclamations than the others. But I don’t see any doctors or poets on this list. And I just really, strongly dislike Cameron Diaz. She just defines “ditz.” Now I know http://www.urbandictionary.com/ defines Ditz with the example of Paris Hilton, literally, but Cameron could qualify.


See, she even looks like she’s about to run into someone. Ditz.

And then there’s the 2006 article in Rolling Stone where John gives his exclusive interview on the topic, “How To Be John Mayer’s Girlfriend.” Here’s what he says:

1. “Be really careful with me on the phone. Distance makes the brain grow more maniacal.”
2. “Twenty-four-hour phone-sex assistance. If there’s a cute girl in the front row, I’m gonna run offstage and call you.”
3. “You have to run every single fantasy you’ve ever had through me. You’ll never cheat. You see a cute guy at the gym, I’ll be him. Or we’ll get him. I don’t care.”

John, that’s more than three. Come on.

For a man that understands how a father needs to protect a daughter, it makes me wonder: is this because he knows what kind of guys are out there? I might have imagined meeting John and having a deep conversation about happiness or even who he knows that buzzes like Neon. I’m sure it’s a Pussy Cat Doll. Gag.

Seen here thinking about how his next song will be about saving us all from high gas prices, or just checking out the hot babe taking his picture?

But I’m still moved by his music. I wanted to run for office after Waiting for the World to Change. And I’ll buy his next album and I’ll go to another concert. I agree with Time that he could be one of the World’s 100 most influential people. (of 2007) And maybe he is a “New Guitar God.”(Rolling Stone, February 2007). He’s lovely– and his taste in women shocks me. A lovely contradiction.

Congrats John.

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