Foot. In. Mouth.
It’s a syndrome, and oh boy, do I have a bad case of it.
Over the years, I have made a complete a$$ of myself on many-an-occasion. And it’s not because I’m a mean-spirited person; it’s because, sometimes, I just say stupid things.
I don’t think this necessarily makes me a terrible person. In fact, I think it just makes my life more interesting- and definitely more humbling. I guess it’s because I have a policy that my life is an open book. Maybe that’s why I feel free to ask others any question that comes to mind, make any comment that seems relevant, or naively state the obvious, when others choose to remain quiet. Here are a few examples of my greatness:
1. I once asked a person suffering from rosacea where she had gone on her vacation and if she usually sunburned so easily. (Let’s be honest, not just a person, a doctor to whom I was trying to sell something.)
2. I told my high school chemistry teacher (Ms. Katula) that I was surprised she only received a faculty award for being at P.A. (my high school) for five years. I thought she had been there much much longer than that.
3. I laughed and laughed at a joke I made about how old my friend’s husband was. And no one else laughed. At all.
4. I asked a friend of mine when she planned on having children. (This one is not funny. She had just miscarried. I was young, had not gone through my own two-year process of infertility, and now know better.)
5. (You may have to read this one twice to understand it.) I once congratulated the mother-of-the bride’s DATE on his granddaughter’s upcoming nuptials. (Well this didn’t really happen, but it almost did. Thank the Lord, my husband gently squeezed my hand when I said, “Congratulations! Are you [the bride's] -hand squeeze- um, part of [the bride's] family?” He knew. And my face was red enough to confirm it.
6. Last year- yes, last year- I congratulated one of my friends on her lesbian-love child. Her response, “I’m not having a baby and I’m not a lesbian.” I can’t even begin to explain, and yes, this one really happened. She’s definitely the bigger person because she still speaks to me.
And those are just the ones I can share. There are a few family members who have been on the receiving end of my awkward signature move. Not to mention that I finally HAD to turn off group texts because I am just as prone to foot in mouth via technology.
But here is what I’ve got to say about all of this. I’m learning every day, and I really have learned to laugh at myself over the past few years. And although I’m trying so hard to be a “think before you speak” type of person, it may never be so. Please just know that I didn’t mean it.
My 2013 motto: accept your flaws, try to be better, and laugh a lot.
Now, who have I offended? LOL.